12 Step Journey: Step 1 — Lose the Cape!

Image by Julian Fong via Flickr

I attended my first Al-Anon meeting about a year ago, and have attended off and on since then. In honor of my Star Word of 2020, sure, I’m ramping up my commitment to 12-Step work. Since this is the first Monday of the month, today’s meeting focused on the step of the month, Step One. We took turns reading from the Paths to Recovery chapter on the first step.

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol —

that our lives had become unmanageable

There are 12-Step programs for many types of recovery, including alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling and codependency. So the word “alcohol” in Step One can be replaced with whatever is appropriate. In my case, I am working on recovery from my need to control and “fix” people I love — a habit I developed growing up watching loved ones struggle with the effects of alcoholism.

The word “powerless” stops many of us in our tracks. Doesn’t that mean giving up? On the other hand, I have been a faithful Bible student and churchgoer for years. Can’t I pat myself on the back for being highly spiritual and yielding to a higher power?

Not so fast. At the same time I am trusting God, I am searching for the nearest phone booth so I can put on my cape. Today’s meeting shined a light on that habit, as well as my tendency to feel like a failure if my superhero powers fall short. 

I think every Al-Anon meeting I’ve attended has at least one aha! moment. My moment came with the realization that I not only need to acknowledge God’s power; I need to admit my own powerlessness. Otherwise, I keep getting in God’s way. You know how it goes: “I’m handing this over to You, Lord — but here, let me put my cape on in case You’re too busy!”

So I’m back in the program, doing the inner work. Looking forward to the next meeting. Finding a sponsor.

Losing the cape!

Have a blessed week!

Star Word 2020: Sure

My favorite day of the year at church is the day we choose our Star Words for the new year. We celebrate Epiphany — the commemoration of the visit of the Magi to the Christ child — by discovering and following our own stars. As we walk up the center aisle to take communion, we choose from dozens of cut-out paper stars, that lie face down on a table. We like to say that the words choose us as much as we choose the words. In past years, my words have intrigued me, inspired me and even scared me.

This year, my Star Word is “sure.” When I returned to my seat and read my word this morning, I immediately found it empowering and challenging. Like many of my fellow worshipers, I grabbed my phone and did a little research.

Here’s what Merriam Webster has to say:

Sure — 1) marked by or given to feelings of confident certainty
             2) characterized by a lack of wavering or hesitation

Hmm. This seems to speak to my tendency toward indecisiveness. At times, I take forever to make a decision. Maybe a nudge toward more readily stepping out in faith?

I like these related words: assured, positive, certain, confident.

“Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)

“Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NKJV-30490B" data-link="(B)” style=”box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;”>to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;” 2 Peter 1:10 (NKJV)

“Sure” feels like a confirmation as I go through a period of discernment. This fall, I stepped out of my comfort zone and taught an adult Sunday school class. I took my novice vows with the Order of Ecumenical Franciscans. I was nominated to be a deacon at church. And I’m sensing a tug toward deeper ministry.

“Sure” feels like a prompting, a what-are-you-waiting-for call. Time to focus on that inner work. A renewed commitment to 12-step work, spiritual practices, prayer.  

One thing I’m sure of is my admiration for the ministry of Compassion International.

The holiday season has come and gone, but you can still make a child’s day very special through Compassion International. You can sponsor a child for $38 a month. There are also many ways you can help children with a one-time donation, including critical needs, disaster relief and the unsponsored children’s fund. 

What word has chosen you this year? I pray that you experience a year of unexpected joys and a neverending sense of God’s presence!

Star Word 2019: Pure

Epiphany Sunday has become one of my favorite days at my church. We each receive a Star Word to guide us for the year, just as the Wise Men followed the star to the Christ child.

This year, my word is “pure.” As you can see, it is already stuck with a magnet on my refrigerator. My first thought when I saw my word was:

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” from the Sermon on the Mount. (Matthew 5:8)

When I receive my Star Word each year, I love to dig deep and learn as much as I can about the word. The Oxford Dictionary defines pure as “not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material.”

We tend to equate this definition with “sinless” or “flawless.” But as with other Star Words,  its meaning has another layer. For example, Benson’s Bible Commentary notes that purity of heart means serving God “continually with a single eye and an undivided heart.”

Then I found this verse:

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.” (James 3:17)

My Star Word not only guides my heart and keeps my eyes on Jesus; it also describes the nature of our Lord. How wonderful to remember that our God is true and unchanging!

So my Star Word for 2019 will help me keep my focus on our merciful, reasonable, and steadfast God who is our unchanging Rock. I feel as though Jesus is saying, as Sarah Young wrote in Jesus Calling, “Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.“

A blessed way to start the year!

 

 

 

Star Word for the Year: Tough

After Christmas and New Year’s Day, we celebrate the Epiphany at my church by selecting our Star Words for the year. Since I’m a great believer in the power of language, I look forward to finding out what my word will be for the new year. I’ve had lovely Star Words in previous years, such as “perception” and “individuality.”

As I walked up to the table at church where the Star Words were placed face down, I wondered what creative, challenging, inspiring word would be my focus for 2018. As I walked back to my pew and turned over the paper star, I saw my word:

TOUGH.

The word scared me. Did it mean I was going to see tough times? Or that I would have to be tough to survive? Our pastor reminded us not to overthink our Star Words, so when I got home, I put mine under a stack of papers on my desk, so it couldn’t escape.

My mental state at that time no doubt contributed to my fear. A few days before that church service, I had received a diagnosis of anxiety and depression. I was relieved to be able to understand the reasons for the symptoms that have plagued me since I was a kid.

I felt a little braver after a few weeks of prescription medication and my first appointment with my counselor. So I took another look at my Star Word.

I read definitions: 

“Strong enough to withstand adverse conditions or rough or careless handling,” Like everyone, I’ve seen my share of adverse conditions and careless handling — in my case, years of pain and bewilderment from the lack of awareness of mental illness in children.

“Strong or firm in texture but flexible and not brittle.” I’m getting stronger — yes, tougher. But I pray for a softened heart and open mind.

Tough. It sounds less like a harsh threat and more like a pat on the back for living and learning through the challenges. So now my Star Word is held by a magnet on our refrigerator door. I can’t wait to see what it teaches me this year.

 

Perception: Who Says I Can’t Have Two Words for 2015?

Perception: My Star Word for 2015

Since we moved into our new home in Boise, Idaho last March, so many things have been new. I was introduced to a lovely new tradition at church this Sunday, as we celebrated the Epiphany, or the day that the Magi visited the Christ child.

After we received communion this Sunday, we each received a Star Word for the year 2015. As I turned over the star-shaped paper, I read my word: perception. In my previous blog post, I wrote about my focus on the word “mercy” for 2015. As a lover of words, I will gladly ponder, pray and learn from my Star Word, too!

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4

At first glance, the word “perception” brings to my mind the age-old question, “do you perceive the glass as half empty or half full?”

Merriam Webster tells us that perception is

• the way you think about or understand someone or something
• the ability to understand or notice something easily
• the way that you notice or understand something using one of your senses

To perceive can also mean to discern, realize, recognize. The word “recognize” reminds me of the walk to Emmaus after the crucifixion, when the disciples did not realize that the stranger who was walking with them was the risen Jesus.

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. Luke 24:13 (NIV)

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, Ephesians 1:18 (NIV)

Will 2015 be a year of sharpened perception for me? Will it open the eyes of my heart and bring the word mercy into clearer focus? Will I see Jesus in places I didn’t expect to see Him?

Mercy and perception: so I’m starting the new year with two powerful words. Stay tuned to see what these words teach me this year!